Komentery: Da Devolution of Wordz

After a careful perusing of the white and soulless CD racks at the local corporate music store with my cousin, I came to the disconsolate conclusion that the world will end in 2012 like the Mayans predicted. And to be honest, if the ill spelled names of certain "artists" of the rap/hip hop section are any semblance of a cultural indicator, Judgment Day cannot come soon enough.

I cannot begin to tell you how many hideously botched nouns of the English language were showcased in these cellophane wrapped cases. The man above is the hip hop sensation known as "Z-ro." Close to him was the youthful "Yung Berg," and close to him was the rather ursine "Rapper Big Pooh," and close to him was "The Playaz Circle." Curious as to the caliber of song titles (I was looking for a good chuckle, they seem to have a lot of phun with phonetics), I found several klever monikers, like:

"Tru Feelingz"

"First 2 Rize"

"Shelta From Da Storm"

and "That'Z My Name"

I must admit, I was pleasantly surprised (and grateful) to see the inclusion of the apostrophe in the last song title. My cousin was a bit embarrassed of me, though. He wanted to buy the newest Ludacris CD. It was $14, and he only had $12. He had a hissy fit (though not that much of one) when I told the cashier the immense amount of guilt I had for contributing to the erosion of his brain by chipping in those final two dollars and some odd change. "Sa-va-nuhhhh," he sighed. "Do you always have to be so white?"


And I suppose if caring about silly things like grammar, competency, and language as a whole constitute as being "so white," then yes. Yes, I always have to be "so white." Although, to be completely candid, I know just as many white people whose vernacular seeps even below the dismal ranks of the rap superstarz listed above.

In truth, it breaks my logophilic heart to have to witness the degradation of words with each hit that makes it to the top of ClearChannel Top 100 lists. I understand that language evolves with society, but this is no evolution. If anything, we are hearkening back to our ancestors' tongue. Not the ones that lived in quaint European homes, but the ones that lived in caves. The ones that picked their toenails, and then, with the same hand, picked at their teeth. People speak via text now, and their definition of a deep read is some sort of sci-fi teen paperback. I'm curious to see when it is that we begin to speak in low, gutteral utterances, and beat our chests to prove our strength and agility, taunting others with objects, and then tackling those we dislike. Oh, wait. That's professional football.

I suppose more than anything, I'm just sad. Sad that my literary greats don't stand a chance to the autotuned and slanged voices of the future. Sad that a master like James Joyce will merely be regarded as "so white," and therefore cast aside as "boring." Sad that when we become so scientifically civilized, we become more barbaric. I naively assumed that there would be a positive correlation between the two, but as usual, I am wrong.

Oh well, there really is nothing I can do about it except wait. Let them have their money, grillz, and nEt $p33k; hopefully they'll go first on the day of the apocalypse. In the meantime, I will remain so white, so boring, and so uncool, and swaddle myself in words.