Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

power plants

by | | 0 comments
“Nezzie, what’s it like to kiss someone? Will you kiss Bopper for me?”

She looked at me, and her gaze lingered for a moment too long; I thought she may cry. I thought it might have been my hands at first, since they were now stained with Crayola markers. There I was, this awkward and polka-dotted ten year-old, sprawled on the ground and surrounded by my drawings of large and largely Anglo families. I was working on the Hutchinson family (they were to live next to the Robinsons in their gated community in Connecticut), and I needed some kind of reference as to what a kiss between two loving and white spouses looked like.

(However, I knew at the time that Nezzie and Bopper, my grandparents, weren’t necessarily the archetypal upper-echelon husband and wife. You know, the kind who share the last name of what their ancestors did upon their arrival on the Mayflower, and actually know that there isn’t a Martha that lives at Martha’s Vineyard. But regardless, I needed to see the two of them kiss for Christopher and Elizabeth (Dr. and Mrs. Hutchinson, respectively) to work. After all, my grandparents had been high school sweethearts from a small town in West Virginia: a town where at night, horny teenagers liked to drive to the park and look at the power plant glowing from across the river, and make out and do other things that their gangling bodies shouldn’t. Nezzie told me later on that everyone thought it was about the prettiest and most romantic thing they’d ever seen. It reminded them of some kind of sparkling castle*. It was there that Bopper asked her to go steady. And two wars, four moves, and five children later, the only things that grew between them over the years were waistlines, white hairs, and love.)


*it’s important to note that years later, when they took me to bear witness to this steel castle of love, it was completely decrepit. It was dingy and surrounded by a thin film of filth, and sectioned off by a sooty river filled with miner’s sweat and coal. But Nezzie and Bopper got out of the car, holding hands, closing their eyes, and soaking in the scene, as if this abandoned power plant was the most beautiful thing since the Hanging Gardens of Babylon. The smell reminded me of rusty cans, and I asked if we could go get lunch now. We went to Denny’s, and while Bopper was eating his Grand Slam, he told stories of how Nezzie liked to play hard to get, and then Nezzie would disagree, saying that Harry was just an immature jock who didn’t like to pay for his dates at the drive-in. And then they laughed while Nezzie checked his blood sugar and gave him some rainbow pills from her pillbox.


Nezzie didn’t move. Bopper, who was resting his gin and tonic on his now ample belly (it reminded me of the top of a white mushroom) and reading the newspaper, put both of them down on the floor and looked at Nezzie. “Well you heard her, Inez,” he laughed. “Come on over here and give me a kiss! We’ll show Savannah what a kiss looks like.”

And they did. Nezzie smiled and leaned into Bopper, both of their wrinkles creeping up the sides of her face like some kind of intricate embroidery on cloth, and gave each other a tender peck (as they later called it) on the lips. The sound reminded me of suction cups. Bopper grabbed my arm with his hand. “Come here, brat! Don’t think you’re getting out of this either. I’m not that bad of a kisser, I promise. Ain’t I a good kisser, Inez?” He made an ugly-on-purpose face.

She swatted his belly and drew me closer to them, plopping me on her lap. And the three of us sat cramped together on Bopper’s recliner for what felt like hours, watching Tom Brokaw talk about things and numbers I didn’t understand, until Nezzie said that she needed to get back to cooking her potato pancakes.

I jumped off Bopper’s chair, and then went back to my drawings of perfect families. In the background, I could hear the ice swirling around in Bopper’s glass to the slow rises and falls of his stomach, and the sound of Nezzie humming gently in the kitchen while the potato cakes made that warm, cracking POP! in the oil. I looked to Christopher and Elizabeth Hutchinson, staring blankly at me with their three children and their Victorian home with wraparound porch and cocker spaniel, and I put down my marker. I threw that piece of paper away, and started drawing power plants.

Musing: Eskimos, Igloos, & Independence Day

by | | 1 comments

Why, why, why is it that on Independence Day I'm thinking about love? Perhaps it's the dreary weather, reminding me of, oh, I don't know, anything the Bronte sisters would write. Bad weather brings out the romantic in me, what can I say. All I know is that I'm not thinking of how happy I am to be American.

Last night, I dreamed about Eskimos and their homes made of ice. In my dream, I built one, and then in Spring, when I heard the first drop drop drops of the melting ice tap my dark suede boots, I cried. Not necessarily because my boots would soon become completely madefied, but because the walls in which I had lived and loved for so long would soon melt away into a blinding and bloodless snow. There would be no mark of where I had stayed, and no tangible memories. Years later, I would not be able to return to my home, look at a particularly shiny pane of a window and say, "Ah yes, that's from the time when a baseball went through the window." My memories of that home would be about as solid and permanent as its foundation come summertime, slowly being evaporated by the frigid sun.

I recall being frightened in my dream, but I realized soon that this was just something I simply had to accept. The notion of "home" and its effect on the individual has been prominent throughout man's existence, therefore its opposite, the lack of a home, has been protuberant as well. Yet, for thousands of years, the Eskimos continued to build their homes made of frozen water only to be left drenched and cold in its wraith like remnants come springtime.

End of the dream. It left me wondering, then, why? Why spend hours upon hours building something so finite? Why risk the hypothermia, the runny noses, the red cheeks and numb fingertips on something that just won't last? It all seemed rather futile to me.

And then it occurred to me, they do it just because. Because that's what their parents have done, that's what their parents before them have done, and so on and so forth. Because that's who they are. The Eskimos are fully aware of the fact that their beloved homes will turn to a transparent puddle, and eventually return to the sky, but they do it anyway.

I feel like that's a lot like love, really. We know that it doesn't last in its most ideal form, obviously, but we get so caught up in its eventual disintegration that we lose sight of it in its most solid state, no matter how transparent it may appear. Some are so weary of seeing their sad reflection in those cold and inevitable pools that they don't bother with love to begin with. No one wants to be left feeling numb.

But for me, I'm more afraid of forgetting, and of having my warm memories snatched into the sky, leaving me shivering without a sign of shelter. I begin to resent time and how it melts away at everything I treasure. And then I realize that it's all elemental and cyclical. Love may melt, condense, and evaporate, becoming indiscernible amongst the world around us, but that's only because it is all around us, and always will be. The Eskimos continue to make their homes made of ice without fear, because they know they can never truly lose them, for water cannot be destroyed. Funny how we view them as silly, even though their homes are made of material that transcends a definite shape and form.

They build, block by block, until they are absolutely numb. They build some more until their diamond is complete. It stands strong for some time, shining brilliantly, but eventually begins to lose its lustre, fading slowly into the snowy earth. But they are not afraid, for the puddle still sparkles as brightly as the house once did. And at night, when the puddle no longer remains, they look to the sky, and see the stars shining like jewels in the inky night, much like the puddle did, and much like their home, though faint, once did. And then the snow begins to trickle down like a string of broken pearls from the starry sky, and they are ready to build a home once more.