La Pluma

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She had eyes like peacocks, the colors emerald, indigo and amber. When she would cry, she would shed a single exotic feather. People always knew where she was going. And when she would laugh, she would grow tiny, dark peacock feet in both corners of her eyes. Occasionally, she would lose a few feathers due to this, but that was OK-people nearby would collect them and arrange a strange and beautiful bouquet.

Sometimes, though, there was a bit too much of an emerald glint in her eyes, and those peacocks transformed into an insidious and slithery green monster. Her feathers soon lost their softness and became reptilian. Scaly. Those worn and warm peacock feet would disappear, soon to be replaced by dark and squinted lines that resembled black and venomous fangs. If she saw something more remarkable than she, perhaps a feather more exotic and alive, she would seek it, and be it. And in order to be it, she would consume it and swallow the bird whole.

Other times, the indigo would pool and overflow into her irises, and no longer would the regal peacock stay. A different bird would take nest in those two ominous and black holes: a raven. Soft and feathery brows became sharp and rigid daggers in the throes of her wrath. With each brow as a shiny, jagged wing, every furrow and scowl would cause this raven to fly faster, more furiously and fervently until the warm blood of her victim weighed her wings down, making it impossible for them to cut away into the dark sky.

And eventually, when the indigo would dry, and the emerald would fade, the amber was left alone. Weak and sad, it lost its lustre quickly, and each batting of her once-feathery lashes soon resembled the tired and servile clop clop cloppings of a brown mule. Dull, dirty, and sad, she would sight heavily through her nostrils and look slowly to the sky-that is, if she could even see it. The ground was brown, the clouds were white, the sun was yellow, and she was everything and nothing at the same time. Just amber.

It required balance to be something great, she finally decided. She needed the snake, the raven, and even the mule to be a beautiful peacock. But how to do so? The instrument needed to achieve this balance, she decided, was not a scale, not a chemical, and not a different color palette, but una pluma. And so long as she had her pluma, she wrote, she would always remain a peacock.

High School in a Nutshell (pardon the melodramatics)

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Today I saw some light seep through the cracks
It blinded me
and I've since fallen back to black
Once someone gave me a quiet heart made of mache
and with cold and trembling hands
I ripped it apart and threw it all away
In the mercurial mirror I sucked in
and saw another rib! Finally, another canyon made of skin
I greeted it as a bulb; the first sign of Spring
Then I looked in the mirror and hated myself
and how my clothes did cling
Welcome to my ivory garden
Cold and brittle flowers made of bone
I would tend to it
But I'm still blind from where the light has shone.

like a pair of old wedding gloves

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I remember the summer days, sitting in my grandmother's pear tree, my feet languidly dangling like her pair of old wedding gloves. I would spend hours there, just hanging, reading the warm and worn pages of her grammar book. "A cake is done, a boy is finished," I would mouth as my fingers silently danced across the page.

I remember the summer days, lying in the grass, skirt as thin as a pair of old wedding gloves. "I can't wait until I'm finished with school," I whispered. He took another bite of the pear, eyes silently dancing around the thin line between my lips. "That way," I said, "we can be together all the time." The green fruit lazily dropped to the grass, and our hands linked easily like a pair of old wedding gloves.

Today, I ate a pear. Today, I finished and assignment. And today, I felt as empty as a pair of old wedding gloves.
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I look to the moon as I walk. She hangs high and scared, like an old, white-haired woman teetering up to her attic to find her worn and mothballed wedding dress. With each step I take, the moon grows smaller and smaller until it drowns in the black pool. The woman slowly walks up to the dark and dusty armoir, and with a brittle yank, the over-sized doors creak open for a hollow embrace. It smells of ash and rose hips. She sees the pearly white dress; her wrinkled hands float lightly over the silk and caress the smooth beads. And then, she unbuttons her own dress and lets it fall quietly to the floor like loose feathers. She climbs into her gown once more, and closes the doors, never to be seen again.

As the moon dims and I cannot discern my own shrinking shadow any longer, I realized something: maybe the moon isn't shy and maybe we aren't all fated to fade; maybe we just put on a prettier dress.

little girl, please leave.

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sometimes i think there's a little girl inside of me, jumping rope. and occasionally she jumps so fast and furiously that i can feel the vibrations bounce off my chest, propelling my nearly 20 year old body into a circular and rhythmic motion. and lots of times, when she whips the rope around her tiny frame, the tip of the pink ribbon that lays atop her head tickles my throat, causing me to laugh just as she does.

other times, when the balls of her feet grow tired, and her thin wrists become fatigued, she slows, and the vibrations become nothing more than a gentle murmur. and i wait. i wait for that gentle toe tapping hop to return, and that light smack of the rope on my pavement-esque tissues. i wait so i can move again.

lately, she's been inconsistent. occasional bursts of energy followed by excruciatingly painful and stagnant silences. sometimes, i want to reach inside of myself and pull this little jump roping girl out of my body so i can finally have some semblance of balance. so i can decide when i move and when i stand still. when i laugh and when i am silent. but, i can't. my arm is simply too big.

my bones are big now, and my thoughts have expanded. but why must a little girl and her erratic rope control my grown-up heart?