little girl, please leave.

sometimes i think there's a little girl inside of me, jumping rope. and occasionally she jumps so fast and furiously that i can feel the vibrations bounce off my chest, propelling my nearly 20 year old body into a circular and rhythmic motion. and lots of times, when she whips the rope around her tiny frame, the tip of the pink ribbon that lays atop her head tickles my throat, causing me to laugh just as she does.

other times, when the balls of her feet grow tired, and her thin wrists become fatigued, she slows, and the vibrations become nothing more than a gentle murmur. and i wait. i wait for that gentle toe tapping hop to return, and that light smack of the rope on my pavement-esque tissues. i wait so i can move again.

lately, she's been inconsistent. occasional bursts of energy followed by excruciatingly painful and stagnant silences. sometimes, i want to reach inside of myself and pull this little jump roping girl out of my body so i can finally have some semblance of balance. so i can decide when i move and when i stand still. when i laugh and when i am silent. but, i can't. my arm is simply too big.

my bones are big now, and my thoughts have expanded. but why must a little girl and her erratic rope control my grown-up heart?